Is it Worth It or Should I Just Enjoy Life?

For the last three weeks, I have been doing an online weight loss challenge. I won't bore you with all the details about how it work, but know that I like the challenge.  I like the daily readings and check-ins, but I am frustrated!!  Not with the challenge, but with how easy it is to get fat and stay fat and how difficult it is to lose even the slightest bit of weight.  I have lost a total of 8 pounds, but the last 2 weeks have really pissed me off.

Last week's weigh-in, I gained some weight.  I was expecting that. I mostly stuck to my low-carb diet, but cheated about two days when I had some beers, cake, chips, and salsa.  I vowed to make this week better.  I really stepped it up, but only lost 0.8 pounds.  So fucking frustrating!!!!  I have been doing a two-mile run/walk  each morning then walking 3 more miles in the evening.  I am getting up at 4:45 in order to do this.  It's scary.  It's dark.  I have to remind myself that the multiple shadows I see are mine from the different porch lights and street lights.  I have had to change from listening to murder mystery podcasts, which I do in the daylight, to 90s pop, so that I am not so scared.  Thanks to the Backstreet Boys and TLC (RIP Left Eye) for keeping me safe. I have also ended (ok if I am honest with myself, I have put on hold) my love affair with Bud Light, trading it in for Michelob Ultra, a "Superior Light Beer" which honestly is not as "dilly dilly" as the Blue Gills, and I only had three this week.  I have not had a pop/soda in over three weeks, instead I have been drinking a shit-ton of water. 

These are pretty drastic changes for me... all for a 0.8lb loss.  That annoys me.  Is it worth it?  I don't fricken know.  I have heard not to pay attention to the numbers on the scale, but to how your clothes fit and how you feel. Well that shit is not helping me either!!  My clothes don't fit any better.  They are still tight, with the exception of my bra.  Seriously, I forgot to pack a sports bra the other day and did a walk/run after school, so I wore my regular bra, and my long flappies kept slipping out.  I don't need to lose weight in my boobs.  How do I feel?  Sore.  My joints and muscles ache.  The only thing that feels good is that I am sleeping better.  I fall asleep easily, and I am not tossing and turning all night.  I haven't taken any Melatonin or Ambien in three weeks.  

I'll keep going and keep giving it my best through this challenge, but part of me really questions if this is all worth it.  Is it worth it to not have the things I enjoy and to have a sore achy body, if nothing really changes? 

Still Fat, but Going to Try Again

So my last post was from April 2016  and I have just been getting fatter. Since then, I have gone through little phases of "Oh I should get healthy" or "Oh I should start running again," but nothing lasted very long. I seriously have zero will power, love food, and enjoy being lazy.  Honestly there isn't much better than a Netflix and Chill except that the chill part for me is a huge bowl of cold, creamy, chocolaty ice cream.

Here I am again at a point where I want/need to make some changes.  I feel disgusted by my appearance, when I talk to my friends on the Marco Polo app, my multiple chins are very present and depressing.  I am even more disgusted that I get out breath so quickly.  I used to refer to myself as fat-fit.  I was fat, but if I needed to I could run a mile or shit even climb a flight of stairs.  Not now.  I get tired going from my couch to the freezer to get my ice cream.  That scares me.  I don't want to die.  I need to be here for my kid.  The thought of my husband raising her without me scares me.  He would never make her brush her teeth or read the best books with her.  Not only do I want to live, I want to be active and be able to do things with my daughter, so here I am once again, ready to make a change. 

I thought some external motivation would help, so I started an on-line weight loss challenge.  It starts Monday, so in the meantime, I am working to get rid of all the junk food in my house.  I have been eating Reese's peanut butter cups like crazy... they have protein.

I have been going back and forth about what eating plan I want to follow.  I have had good results with a lot of them, as long as I stick with it.  My top two choices are The Whole 30 and a Low Carb.  I have decided to go with the Low Carb option.  I think because it is just easier to stick to.  I like The Whole 30, but it really is a lot of work and the food prep is time consuming, plus 30 days without alcohol pretty much sucks.  The only thing I don't really like about the Low Carb diet is that I get really sick of eggs, so I will need to get on Pinterest and find some alternatives. 

Exercise... yep still need to figure that out, but I hope to do at least 30 minutes per day.  I know that doesn't seem like much, but it's a start. I will need to ease into this.

Will I blog...maybe some times it's a lot of work and remember, I am lazy.